I don't know about you, but I find love a horrible exercise in futility. As a public service to our community, I offer an easy guide to the love styles of the zodiac. How  do we love? Does a heart go pitter pat or kaboom? Should Cupid's arrow aim at the heart, the stomach or the head? Get a clue and reap the rewards:

ARIES (MARCH 21 - APRIL 20)

Aries are the great pioneers when it comes to marking out a territory and conquering it. (Doesn't that make you feel special?) The secret is, of course, that you have to get them to see you as a country that needs to be conquered. Lie back and let them march through.

TAURUS (APRIL 21 - MAY 21)

The way to a gay Bull's heart is right through the stomach. These folks can be happily seduced with a wonderful meal and a divine bottle of wine in front of a roaring fire. Rub them on the stomach and tell them how beautiful they are. They will become putty in your hands.

GEMINI (MAY 22 - JUNE 21)

Gay Twins can be quite romantic, but it can be more of a mind game with notes, clues and dirty whispers on the phone. Can you put up with more talk than pure passion action? It may be the one way to hold these fickle fiends to one lover. Send an unsigned valentine and see what happens.

CANCER (JUNE 22 - JULY 23)

Ohh those sensitive souls! Cancers love much too much to be considered sane. The gay Crab has a hard exterior shell that is hard to penetrate, but once you do, it reveals a soft, vulnerable, very mushy center inside. Play the little lost child and allow them to smother you with affection.

LEO (JULY 24 - AUGUST 23)

Leos are very proud - and why not? They always need to be told how absolutely fabulous they are. But when they love, they love BIG and can be wonderfully generous as long as they are in total control. HINT: Compliment them lavishly and let them take you out for a great time.

VIRGO (AUGUST 24 - SEPTEMBER 23)

These folks are clean fanatics so don't show up all hot and bothered with dirty underwear; it just won't stir up the flame of passion in meticulous Virgo. There are, of course, those afflicted Virgins that love that sort of thing but it is against the law of astrological averages.

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 24 - OCTOBER 23)

These folks don't mind an argument as long as both sides can kiss and make up when it's all over. If you go just a little crazy when the scales fail to tip decidedly in your direction, don't panic. Let these diplomats of the zodiac carry the rainbow flag forward and tell them how charming they are when they do.

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 24 - NOVEMBER 22)

Sex, sex and more sex. Scorpios are motivated by the intense passionate power play of it all. If you didn't already know, Scorpios are exactly what the darkness was made for! It is not a bad thing to play a bit of a mind game with them, if you are prepared for the volcanic finish. These folks take no prisoners and do not share!

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 23 - DECEMBER 22)

Give the gay Archers their freedom and they will not stray far. Entice them with faraway travel and exotic treats. Speak to them in a foreign language (preferable French...) and rub their thighs. If that doesn't work, give them a kick in the patoot and wait until they come to you.

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 23 - JANUARY 20)

Goats measure their own worth by what society dictates. If you find them more than a little closeted, give them the benefit of the doubt and blame it on their astrological karma. They need to feel important because they really have such a low self image. Listen to their advice and make them believe you will follow it.

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21 - FEBRUARY 19)

It may seem that ice water runs through the veins of these folks. It's not really true. They are simply impassioned by humanity in general and not a person in particular. Reach them through their sense of duty. Let them take the reins of your favorite gay charity and work together to make the world a better place.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 20 - MARCH 20)

They not only get their kicks from champagne and cocaine, but they can become downright addicted to love! Mystical and psychic Pisces need all the help they can get to focus their attention and effort on the right lover. If you are such a person, romance them and let them use you as they will.

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